the weight of turning passion into work

I used to love taking photos. I used to want to document how the world where I belong is. I used to make statements with my photos. I used to communicate and express myself through images — stills and moving ones. Until I became too familiar. Until my camera became just a tool for business. 

It was a dream to be taking and recording images for a living. But it became as absolute as that. I’m able to live. But what kind of life do I have now? Do I live life happy and free? Am I still grounded with the same values and principles I once had when I was taking photos for myself? Am I really for this?

These question, I’m afraid to answer. 

I guess I just miss those times when documenting is not for work, but for myself. I wish that could happen again, but decisions after decisions have been made and have passed and I feel like I’m stuck here — forced to move forward because I have to, not because I want to. 

I wish I could go back just for a bit, and relive those days.